The secondary work. I have no clue what to do about it or if picking one of the experiments, then better make it bette (e.g. paint / spray /...) on Monday.

Inspired by a song entitled 'Tilted', for the name mostly, not about the content of the song. First of all, I don't know the meaning of the word 'tilted'. After I checked the meaning, the 'titled' immediately lit the ideas about how to display the work based on the work I've done or the new one based on the ready-made daily objects that I found in the tool shop. Secondly, The interview of the musician talking about the story behind the song meaning is always fascinating. I might steal the state of 'tilted' - as on the edge of something with a slide ? slope-alike angle. As you are eating the film ‘Inception' - the time and space, the dreamlike. 

"The whole song is built around this very image of being tilted. I chose this word because it's ambivalent : am I talking about falling? About being twisted? Is it playful or dangerous? I guess I like you to inhabit the song with your own mood, so I kept it deliberately open. I also love that the word implies a move – Christine is a dancer, so she performs the song literaly trying to keep her balance."

The music video is very 'minimalism' as well, focus on the stage - black and the light - blue, the angle that was shot, the 'come back and go away' distance... Reflect on my approach of work, I'm considering that I might not adding the 'extra' fingers and toes on the chair... keep it simple nothing decorative, but what was the original concept if they are needed to serve the idea? 

I did notice the 'tilted'  1. the time when I was having a dinner with friends, one of them placed the cup on the edge of the table as a child's game - not afraid of the consequences - but the viewer (grown-ups) like me all know what's going to happen, and so all I could feel is the nerve around my skull and not to look at it and some visions and emotional reactions ?  2. when I was playing at plaster workshop, placed the bottom of a knife (not fork) on clay, only leave the top spiky part without covering clay, then pour the plaster slowly. There are two parts of the force that attract people's eyes as if they were watching a magic show - the magician - try to capture every second every detail every side of it. One is from plaster, one is from the knife that's being poured, dripping plaster. All i could think of is the Tower Pisa. It doesn't feel right when you look at it - worrying or what ? any potential moment that could fall and crash on you if you were there unfortunately... The colour of the clay doesn't look soothing to the eye, with plaster... destroyed but actually could work if sprayed paint. 

Searching for 'Duchamp' in the library, while catching-up the work - to be productive and concentrate and uploading the missing parts and to tick the to-do points one by one, not with jumbled texts or being a moving gear chain clocks stuck in the middle not working smoothly. During the Easter on the road, found the chess in the Rijksmuseum garden when walking outside the area, through the space in-between those metal railings or the fences as a border control, at least not with the pointy ones on the top of the metal bars (doors / walls...) , in case the outsiders fled in. 

I have little knowledge about chess, not even playing chess once but closely watched people play chess, on tv programs / films or real life.  The way about how those black & white horses on the board somehow create the sense of tension, just as when people look at a piece of statue, the worship and the unknown and the silence and the far reachable beauty and the myth.

I had this second thoughts of replacing the dining table to a chess board, as two human figure lookalike chairs facing to each other. Or it can be chess board itself, but a giant one with two opposite ?? left as the state when the game nearly ends - that state of two ?? in black & white in opposite position staring at each other silently and still for a long time. The 'Almost' moment, there always have been the tension between two gamers - the competition or so, the start of the game, the long process, particulalry the 'breaking point' as the last minute the last step before the finale. The thing to be considered is, for the audiences like me who do not know the game rules about chess, then how to set up all those chess on the board to analyze ? - find some replacement to replace chess ? then things turn into a different story.  Make it easier to be analyzed for the chess game ? pick two obvious elements, i.e King and Queen ? kids know the stories ... No a king like the feeling of being threatened by the king next door. There is the war and activities of attack or spying ...

Sometimes, silence or void is much more serious than the noises self, or women wouldn't get mad when the other half stays silent to their interrogation. Lots of interesting psychological phenomenons behind those 'staring for a long time' / 'silent treatment' and such) - which is impossible for me to do it within the time left.  'Silent treatment' is also a way of one power over one, or no no one knows about what's going on ? 'a control mechanism', 'a passive-aggresive action' to tensify the relationship between or among two or more. Interestingly, the word 'tensify' (if it's right), when people mix punk/goth/hardcore/industrial/such all mixed into one ...  Quite heavy to think about the outcome for those pieces - punk-rock tensified. Must be intense ... (a lot) in a bad way (too much) that becomes disharmony/noises. 

It's a shame that i didn't walk close to the chess area, but it was an unexpected found, and lots of inspirations absorbed from The Stedelijk Museum during the short visit. I know the clock's ticking, and I know i've got a change of heart, changing ? it's a no a this stage, but the ideas can be stored for the rest of life, as Pauling said. Narrow it down and stay focused, not mentioning the final piece was selected by myself before Easter and already working in progress. 

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Marcel Duchamp's interviews (black&white). Overlapped point when seeing the cracking glass as a 'disposable and ...tension there' as he said, I noticed and took photos of the cracking glass of the window of the stores, the shattered glass on the floor, the cracks that appeared accidentally when the resin in the glass was moved in the process somehow (the cracks but not cracks - repeated patterns). As every broken or bad relationships, everyone can relate to the 'tension' - 'cracks'. 

Little display in the Library - noticed the image on the paper (about the Museum of Broken Relationships) Two Clocks as ready-made (like Duchamp) objects to be installed, tick tock, it can be just watching the time passed and let the imagination flies in audiences' mind, to feel the time passing by. 

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Having a thought about the title of the final work, I know 'State of Tension' sounds and reads like more professional and serious and cool. The work originally was supposed to be funny, at least that's what my sketches look like to be, though it seems not any more, but the colour theory about 'Green / Red' has been around from the start of the project - the tension in colour / the opposite position. 'The Green and The Red'... (sounds funny ? while not that obvious of the 'tension'.) Then googled the title, tried to find some characters named after something similar to fit the story / the scene of mine. And then, what a coincidence that discovered a few books related to 'The Green and The Red' or one way around. One is about the tension between Ireland and England (historical novel by Iris Murdoch) ; one is about the book cover that's related to a part of the piece - two plates with forks and knives - a 'dinner table with two people involved, which in this state is two colours that represent the polar effect. 

Morning. At metal workshop – still working on the chairs. Polishing the surface of the joint and filling part. 

Failed jointing (winding?) metal bars together, also due to the fear of the sparks that the rusty metal caused the reaction under the condition of heat – it’s a failure that I have some restrictions to access or continue the process of making freely – have to ask for help from the technician Gareth, which I have been learned a lot from his demonstration, e.g. using angle grinder, watching the sparks as long as the rusty metal's there on the bar, there'll be endless fireworks. And overcame things that seemingly the skinny type would never do, physically. That's a stereotype as originally when I tried to designed the chair (though this is not a design course, this is 'sculpture', as he mentioned, I can do whatever I'd love to to show the concept, but remember asking yourself 'why do you want to make it this way?'

I’ve realized that I’m a bad planner (time or plan), even though I like making

Such a procrastinator – the difference is she makes things every study days but time flies and she’s progressing slowly as usual – only if you can manage the skills to handle the machines and tools.

Afternoon. Made quick clay work within 30 minutes I reckon after having had cut the metal bar with the saw (muscle pain and time consuming because of the little strength I have, hence blacksmiths are the ones who deserve the round applause and lots of respect! Repeating the same action back and forth in 5 seconds while she has to ).

 Can't believe that I just overcame the little 'obstacle' to be a part of stronger women (men), handling angle grinder to polish the metal bars (the bumpy bits and dots after wilding). 

Asked Grayson some questions about how to keep concentrated and such such as an artist, quite silly if had heard what the others asked earlier in public… So, the myth or this picture (the dream) I’ve hold - artists should be or they must have been focusing their work and dedicated their time, locked themselves in the studio. Then comparing to me, I can't or can never do that though I've dreamt about that scenario and been taking it as the ideal state, but I'm clear that there are too much things happening unpredictedly that affect everyone, life would tell and I would learn, as he said "you are not an alien", so I'll just put ideas into the form, not just a simple, good, normal chair? 

'Why Your Five Year Old Could Not Have Done That' by Susie Hodge. Learning (expanding) as a beginner, been gaining more understanding about the world of modern art, the concepts, feeling the piece of work with own interpretation. The course is almost finished, it is a magic somehow that I feel empowered, the eyes towards artworks in museums or galleries of modern art, comparing the old days... and the way of approaching when I choose the materials to express the concept - still have to work on it (developing). From not knowing how to do - bit  have to learn to control - 1. the initial stage when develop ideas, narrow them down, not more and more and lost and off the track into loads different directions. (possible solution: focus and come back and stick to the origin and remind self if it's the right way). 2. When and While making experiments, I realized that it is hard to decide what should be the final piece look like, apart from the amount of uncertain / interesting explorations of the possibility. One can take a lifetime, playing with ideas and small models, but when the time is running out, majority (or everyone) seems to be the type 'oh, has to start and do it this way now'. 3. Working on the final piece, still, trying to fulfill the elements of 'tension' everywhere, not just the chairs, also the whole scene, feels like a film director with OCD, considering the colours of the wallpapers, decorations of the furnitures, costumes, colour contrast... but sometimes, I know for the work, it's too much, when thinking about those neat and look-like simple work but got deep concept and not-simple as the way it was made, abstract ones are more intriging - simple, but the best probably should have their own distinctive style to stand-out... i.e 'Bag' by Gavin Turk - 'a sculpture made of classical 

(back to the pages in the book above) 'Map of Broken Glass' by Robert Smithson (p.152). Broken sheets of glass on the floor, broken glasses - which is also the one element I like - not randomly displayed in the gallery space, 

At this stage of leaning - it might be just a blueprint, an idea on paper recorded in the sketchbook. The space and limitation or restrictions should be considered as risk assessment - broken glasses - i assume no artists whose work in the gallery would use raw meat or food? but painted with blood as Quinn's work? They are not easy to be moved away but as a part of little experiments. Meanwhile, the artist who did the work with those glass bottles nicely cut and displayed them (lots of them for the big space as a piece of installation work) looks much more well organized / elegant. I remembered the start of the course (sculpture pathway), I was (am) quite judgmental (or i should use the word 'critical', which i believe is a good thing - it's a sign of thinking) about the contemporary pieces, but the concept is the thing, more than the visual outcome - it doesn't have to be. (i.e Tracey Emin's 'uncomfortable examinations of existence' - uncomfortable... 'contrary response' is a good thing, the weight of attention - thought-provoking / stirring mixed emotions towards a piece is better than a plain work that no one talks about.)

Tension could be silent, as 'Cold War', or the belief that people hold spiritually - the unseen / the underworld that mundane can not be seen visibly. But the concept (starting point) of mine is the tension among interpersonal relationships... When thinking about this, it just pulled me off when approaching (making) the work, 'oh, it's better be 2 or some objects ? human figures ?' (sign of getting lost half way), so the fact is 'no, it dosen't have to be, but think about the title! (title is important...) 

(p.94) 'The Lights Going On and Off' by Martin Creed. 

Not quite sure if it’s under the effect of the recent Gursky exhibition, (being over-analyzed again) the main page of BBC Four has filled with documentaries about photography.

Doppelganger – the idea of doppelganger. The recent exhibition at Freud Museum in Vienna has exhibited the “DOUBLES” of Arthur Schnitzler and the film about the concept of ‘doppelganger’ (?) called ‘Liebelei’ (after translation – Flirtation, released in 1895). So I'm making the mold for the figure (portrait) made with clay. I did two different lookalike faces, which also with big different style - one is American comic-like ? Family Guy or Simpsons, the other one looks more back in classical period (? lots of history to fill in)... It was supposed to be two heads facing each other, I had felt that they don't fit the whole picture that well - 1. size (big & small) 2. different ages / style ... so have to change or add something to it though I really like them both. 

Final week for workshop. Been cutting steel & metal bars and made one mode for the clay (one for the day) - experiment by using vinomele. While waiting for the cooking (the blocks of wax), did some extra plaster work by using alginate. One of the earlier ideas was to 'illustrate' the simplest 'tension' -  how the flexible bicycle tyre react on the muscles when you hold it both sides and pull it opposite directions. 

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'tension'

there always have 2 sides (opposite) basically, or an imagined side when the person (the group) is getting paranoid or imagined a ghost that affect them 

Berlin Wall. 

or something that alerts people's system - lightning / flashing ..

or the direction / inspiration of my project is two people 'face to face' (or there's no faces at all), two 'two matters' - physical object - real chairs. As in the book 'Handbook of Social Psychology' : "The primary group is marked by intimate face-to-face contact"... the form of the abstract or minimal chair can be presented as one of the three general types of social interaction. As in an intimate way, but what if pulling away with distance? Then the 'in-group' becomes 'out-group'. 

Went to one of the locations for the craft week - Picasso's portrait pillow case, not far away is the design pieces by French artist, which is quite sculptural also reminded me of the paintings, which the artist painted the abstract elements as music notes - the lines, forms, feeling of joy and lightness…

Gursky’s exhibition

Some of Gursky’s work is very impressive, may not the early ones with human figures and the surroundings (mountains/ nature), but the ones he took with mass crowds of human, without one specific centre of attraction about single subject, as the description wrote – ‘domain’ (?) . The point that his photographs stressed is interesting, of ‘the ways in which the architecture shapes our behavior and frames the way we see the world’. The images, the connection among those small subjects on the 2 dimentional paper, comparing with the big scale of the scene of the environment.

For example, ‘Nha Trang’ as with ‘Paris, Montparnasse’, a crowd of human figures.

the tension ...

I like the work ‘Bahrain’ and I don’t why I like it in the end, not at the first sight, the whole scene is quite spooky, looks unreal, the fictional scene, you can sense the danger or isolation of the void/ massive space/ distances among each one of them.

It’s about how you see those individual statue (sculptures with different materials/ forms/ time periods I assume – stone-age/ midevil/ bronze? Man walking to work in a hurry, just as the statue you would see in King’s Cross St. Pancras station or around London/ living artists with and without clothes on and one locked in the transparent box)…

Including

“public and intimate’ with structured grid, which is just like human relationships in daily life, with those unified costumes, colours with those grid (lines).

Berlin Wall, the wall of bricks that separate two parts of the country. (I can find bricks or build two sides of walls with one corridor, but it's not relevant to the starting point - reflection on the interpersonal relationships ? or not fun to make as final project.)

Border, continents, cross countries among countries, the state of tension – as physical or chemical rules – nothing is transformed under one still state, it has to be with two opposite subjects, at least (basically), visible or invisible lines to imply the separation, areas that are not allowed to cross (over)... close yet so far away.

long monologue
before sunrise
one charming bird
may it be a nightingale
singing , practicing ,
secretly saying ,
preparing scripts
sweet tunes , voice

Metal and Plaster Workshop.

Lots of cut cut work going on - rods, bars. The physical strength is essential, lots of practice (not only how a chair is 'manufactured, but also the healthy way of muscle building). Picked the material in the area of scraps, re-use them by cutting, recycle by finding the materials that is there and think of the possibilities of the parts that I can use in the work of mine.

Randomly made two clay models - heads. It was joyful and quick, just using your hands, fingers to feel the material - soft clay and the flexibility of manipulating the form.

Was inspired by the short videos I saw yesterday - the artist Jan Svankmajer. The shots are shocking and full of hilarious moments and the brualty. The clay-motion work face to face as they were having a conversation, but it's all on the actions and the expressions (facial - the 'texture of the clay of how your hands decide the direction they go to shape the face). The story, eg. 'Food' is so weird that I have no idea about the reason that why they can eat shoes and belt and such, but still, disturbing but interesting - surrealist is awing. The inspiration is instant after those videos watched - two people like the two guys in 'Food', the sort of competition going on between them, with a table. for building a story scene - telling a story visually without words or scripts. a still motion ,funny one. 

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(adding here)

What's changed after the sketch of the initial (firm) or the general big picture about the final piece...

Later this Sunday, went to several charity shops to dig my ideal blouses for that two character , plus the metal bars i chose was with round holes after being drilled, 4 dots with quite sequences (same distance) opposite , both sides. Long blouses could hide the chairs, meanwhile the cover-up will make them more figurative (human like). identity ? unknown ? man or woman each side ?  so have to fill the holes ? or leave them as a part of the body - joint part ? or adding some hands , legs (toes / fingers but with 3 per each)... alienated is much more fun than the real ones - surreal.  Considered hats as well, but the shape of them and the colour (they might look good ,so brought one for the try-out. at last, it belongs to me myself, not hanging there .. no spraying, money saved.

So, no hats either, I have to add something there , the top , not just straight rod (doesn't look good). The French artist, and one painting (the French arist as well?) who painted the paintings under the influence of music notes  floating or with elements of music ... looks like Alexander Calder Constellation Mobile ....

There were no matching cloth or good-lookig cloth, the colours would be looking awful outside the chairs if it'll be consider as a part of the final piece, it's not right. So i decided to fill the holes - asked technician Gareth the blacksmith for help , experienced the wonder world after this special mask , lots of sparks, and the view after the green-ish filter - one moment it turns all black but the sparks !

I've realized if the day that I keep record of my ideas on sketchbook, key words or doodles or sketches, I'd leave reflection blank of that day - have to do it everyday in time, transfer short words to the reflective sentences. And the problem with my reflection or my work progress is the time management, slowly experiment (which is OK, but with a feeling of aimlessness), and after a day of working in the workshop, have to keep notes about the failing and mistakes and new explorations which are valuable for the future building up technical skills into a piece. (eg. the characteristic of each different materials - resin? several types and different smells, time drying...)

Metal Workshop. Playing with Metal scraps. Firing them to shape the form - so they'll turn soft and the surface will be turning more interesting. The colour changing on copper is extraodinory - reddish and the part of the rusty (peeling off) surface.

Grayson Perry's lecture!! (again again).

Just feeling appreciative to be here at CSM, and made the right decision to do foundation! For someone who is ambivalent with almost everything, it was a big RIGHT good one. Have no ideas about somewhere else, (probably a bit about Camberwell), but I was feeling it is the best, particulalry the lecture before unit 7 started. I guess part of the reasons (mainly) is I've got a cool (probably not the right word to describe someone's personality / quality?) tutor for progress tutorial (though Adrain is too busy but discussions or little chats have always been welcoming and happy happy, not easy to be a head - i can't even manage my own stuff - like the basic time management) and cool, patient, kind tutors as supporters.  I know criticism is essential and important as Grayson Perry mentioned - the relationships that have to be alerted - dealers / critics / collectors / curators and such in this art world - the co-dependance (not too naive about this world).

Might call it a phobia and going to fix it with some help, the problem is not just checking emails - or just don't bother opening them, or to re-assure the time for the important dates - have to ask for other's help "please help me and tell me about the time" (progress tutorial for instance). but avoiding is not right! you have to face it and read the information through! - what will happen will happen. 

I think I've always asked people (tutor) silly questions, well, depending on the person who i'm asking, and i can be quite organized about the 'speech' though the words and sentences have been in my head for a while, but when i say them out, they just go wrong order. I guess I can't play well with words, sometimes by recording myself then write, or just write on paper first (that's why people need first draft!) ... then why do other people seem to have great and clear and precise questions to put out there? I'm glad that I did not raise my hand again in public (i did). 

Be proud and give yourself a title / band - 'The Transvestite Potter' (cool). play with stereotype. I am not being sketchy, or am i? I know it was or is the right attitude, but I have to be honest, I don't know how i feel exactly and i don't need your correction about what i said "I feel so bad now about ..." "This is not you feeling bad"/ "This is not feeling bad"/ or whatsoever... good thing is I've learned a lesson, but judging people without understanding really - is not right ... though she is kind. but highlight is coming - sorry, that is not my 'splitting' from idealization to devaluation, and you might not judge me or it has been all about my misconception ... I was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder several months ago and after a period of time accepting the fact and whatsoever. Been distracted - attention (reading articles / research about psychology as usual, maybe too much) and lowered the performance of the study. The point is ... I am not as weak as you think - gave me that look - colored ? stereotype or what ? I don't know, but the dis-ease gives me the sensibility to detect people's minor emotions - like Grayson Perry mentioned - trust your inner intonation (?) / tuition, he dose ignore / avoid seeing the line below, i guess no one likes that. Particularly when the people who   Everyone is different, feels different towards different things, you can't generalize individuals into the list of box to be ticked off - treated like soldiers / a scout camp? adults feel like kids.  Be proud and sounds cool 'LGBT' (the joke Grayson Perry made something in the future 'mom, why is there a rainbow over the sky called LGBT?' / 'transvettie' / 'borderline'. Thinking that she's just as 'normal as someone with study issues? or what what issues? or being sketchy? or what? stigmatized is always there - invisible (non-verbal / eyes) or visible (verbal) ... this is how the society works, no matter what the condition is, even just the attitudes towards people behave rude. So in general, do not blame others for what's right or wrong, you are the one who should be tough / toughen up and hopefully not be affected by those little (seems not that overwhelming but is overwhelming somehow) things. 

It's not their fault, it's their job to be honest. I feel I'm the one who is clumsy and can;t do things well. 

If you know about the symptoms, you could imagine the Green Monster from DC comic story - he is kind, but when someone irritates him, the outburst is a while cool range of tsunami. Wish i could be like that - the episode of rage. though everyone's condition is different. But i know I've be trained to be repressed under the system. Just a sheep in return. What else could she possibly say? but write or type. 

Had a long sleep for over 17 hours. Sudden fever. No workshop today.

The next thing I did which is meaningful, apart from excessively sleeping, starting to catch-up research page for the progress tutorial. And read the poem, apart form the relevant articles for the project, but who can say nothing is related to inspire (shine a light through the way) the ideas. 

What's the Import?: Nineteenth-Century Poems and Contemporary Critical Practice

By Kerry McSweeney

The book (one page) about the poem is an interest to read or analyze the meaning in depth (psychological phenomenon). 

Particularly the lines that I highlighted - as the feeling when the ones who have the inability to cry, to let emotions out. Just as the state of 'consciousness' and 'unconsciousness' (two opposite status) / reality or fantasy (face up or space out). 

After a nap, got this idea about 'the state of tension' , what if it shows a progress of sculpture pieces, just as how people document short videos , the seconds , each of it is a frame of the progress and each frame tells a story like a story line - clues / components for the understanding of the theme. So i can experiment with the hands by using alginate, apart from the still one 

Day at workshop  (plaster mainly). 

Cutting off the skull into pieces (but how and where to cut?) which i casted yeasterday afternoon. Just somehow the famous line from Shakespeare came out ' To be or not to be, it's a question'. While cutting, it 

I felt that people around me are quite sure about what they are making or doing. I was the one who stopped and thought about what's the next step even when i was washing up the bowl for plaster or staring at the plaster work..

but I'm glad that tutor came and said something about it's all about the experiment at this stage, and encouraged me to make something, it doesn't have to be sure about the final one. 

I was lost as usual, every time when I started (to make) the project, not ideas, even after writing (signing off) the proposal. I know what you are going to make. 2 days in 4D studio was not that fun - the idea of sound, but actual skill set just not qualified or satisfied enough to reach the idealization (the outcome that you planned) - not right. I know I have to start making physical ones or i'd feel terrible about the progress (felt like doing nothing - how can you see the sound editing? plus in the end, it won't be good enough to be put in the final piece, experiment but it doesn't mean doing it all day long - stuck in front of the computer 

Tuesday afternoon - discussion with metal technician - with the little sketches - the instruments I want to make then record the sound myself after having had watched the video of how they make sound for horror films. The experiment for the sound editing... I think I haven't done it well - note: have to ask for tutor's help for the effect i want to achieve. (particularly how to make the sound long enough for the 'exhibition 

as the little room that artists show - a duration that audiences walk in and watch the video during that tie

Metal workshop. experiment with the water and the steel tube that can make sound like the glasses with 

cast the 'material' or the 'tangled hands' itself (two hands) ? the state of 'on the edge' (the breaking point). 

It was quite inspiring to discuss the possibilities with (plaster) technician, lots of interesting ideas developed with the 

Yes I did lots of little experiments today and document those found objects (display)

4D studio.

Hitchcock's Vertigo. the manipulation of the colours, in the video the interpretor mentioned how he used colours in the setting - the colour theory - two opposite colours (visual language with emotions).

strings. the state that when you look at a cello or instruments with strings on it. the stretch, the tension (with certain level of top-to-bottom. what if with the lightning device with the strings that sense that distance and the tension (since the basic phenomenon to define 'tension' or power (where the theme of 'state of tension' originally came from). 

step - search for 'disharmony' sound. instruments that make sound of high-pitch or not soothing to the ears. Samples that the concepts in music is related - arts - the senses. consider: making the sculpture pieces. the magnified string part. the 'disharmony' itself can be multiple (or more) sides - the effects

1. on the instrument itself - the 'power' that using the hand part to play the string to make it sound right 

2. the audiences who are experiencing the sound while looking at the piece 

3.  the performers (e.g. the man who walk on the string. the feelings are mutual - the attention the players have to put on the string / the 

(was reading the plot about Vertigo - 'the fear of height', imagine me in that situation - fear. the tension of standing on the block of rock with certain height. 

Strings are also the invisible / visible media to make attachment with others - the connection just as social relationships (not bubbles). as in Japan they've got the tradition to tie the red strings on the tree ? and people used to use string as a little tunnel to connect each others' cups as a message pigeon / telephone to make sound through and communicate. interestingly, they have the term called 'string forces' (difference between 'tension forces'?)

string art.  

Mirror as in Black Swan - self-reflection. and the piece Yoko Ono did (like covered with concrete but with crack and red paint around the piece).  Personality - 2 opposite sides - extreme 

cello strings as the sound of cello is the closest one to human's voice.

Book Title: Damian Ortega Champ de vision.

Same as Sunday, sitting on the carpet, randomly picked up one book from the very bottom of the shelf, flipping through pages with images. (good thing about it, not like those people or the old me - walking pass, missing out the best little hidden gem, not being anxious - what should i look? but sit back and relax and finish one book then the next, not lots of things at the same time.) but it's Wednesday, wish I could be at the same (position) aisle as Sunday since there are 2 people while Sunday was none. Adding: and the people now (seems most of them are picking like moths flying to the light or flies trying to escape .. no direction no aim .. 'throwing books into a pile on the floor, what a preference or behavior to pick a mate. i feel different when i pick books or read if later i sit in front of a table. i am fidget now - that person is making sound with books brutally. wish i could dissociate now, float in another space, not hearing things around me, not feeling the increasing anger or annoyance. Probably that's why Asian people have a bad reputation, i feel alienated and ashamed. alas i decide to leave this area.)

Inspiration is everywhere. I'm trying to organize the resources into Harvard format (for the bibliography). and i know i have to catch up the unresolved (have to re-edit / change a lot? about the 'Review' and other parts of the proposal, but have to record the instant ideas right now since i've got the laptop with me and at the right state - highly focused. The images are powerful even though the 'not good' thing about this book is the missing title and descriptions of the work that the Mexican artist Damian Ortega has done. 

The one image with strings and lots of sharp tools, i can feel the tension between the strings (maybe not the soft / tiny ones) and the distance of how each of the tools were fixed at that certain height / point - the force to attack you or the force of going in and out - the potential danger to come off and out towards you. For the messages (not published) I read the contents - (so there it is) - "grow out of a tension between the object and the idea", a bit different than mine, but the feeling of tension is real. "parallel to three dimensions", play with space. 

Progress Tutorial!

'Psycho-drama' / 'thriller' / 'Hitchcock' ... 

new research (direction) has started but in a good way to develop the part of the experimental work of the final piece. Be Experiment as those great experimental films, Fluxus, avant-garde artists

stressed words 'Cognitive Dissonance Theory', just somehow ht my brain with the idea of the sound of violin when a new learned started, also the film scene - the 

the word 'dissonance' / 'disharmony' - thinking about the sound - opposite could mean the extreme uncomfortable sound 

Francis Bacon's paintings, quite dramatic and like a psycho? the disharmony of the human body but embodied with animal-like obsecure body parts.

If developing into sculpture pieces, 

thought about the theatre play, the lightning, the performer's face with the lightning - extreme whiteness / the facial expression. Francis Bacon's 'Invisible Rooms' with two boxes.  what if I make two boxes and the sculpture pieces in those two - one for each - the 

each box represents a different character and the background sound just as the interpretation of its own (words into notes / lines on the computer, just as the screen to show human's heart rate), with the lightning, then put the sound on at the same time, close then far (volume 0 to 6). 

Book Title: Mircea Cater The Need For Uncertainty. 

Her "interest in uncertainty is related to the present and the ability to assimilate surprise". Inspiring work like 'Nido' creates the tension of the sound and look of the disastrous while fragile egg shells - audiences walk on the eggshells and the damage - the force of tension. And the comparison between the eggs on the pingpong table - safe and sound. Two different states - solid and crashed (fragile) - solid wins.  Just as the work 'Stranieri' - two different materials - knife (harsh / hard), bread (soft) - the salt in the middle is represented the state like bleeding (red blood). and the way how she displays the work on the wooden table, leaves viewers like me wander or imagine if there were a fight earlier at this specific scene - the tension of arguments / fights / violence / war. 

Interestingly in the book mentioned the Michelangelo Pistoletto - the Italian artist who just gave a lecture at National Portrait Gallery (which the ticket sold out, unfortunately, always out of date to check information) but a solo exhibition at Simon Lee Gallery.  "Cantor's directness and simplicity of means brings to mind the use of everyday and elemental materials by Arte Povera artists in the late 1960s... art scene at a time of a rising centralisation of European consumer culture..." 

The elements of 'steel cages' in her work 'The Need For Uncertainty'. the elements of 'clock' / clock ticking in Bergman's films. The sound of the ticking by changing the speed of it can actually tense / stimulate the state of anxiety or worry, as the film (177 minutes) 'Face To Face' - not just the clicking sound ... going to experiment or use the sound effect as a way to show 'distress'? the state. 

the cages , the fastened sound of footsteps and the echo . the gaze . the emotional reactions . 

Sound art - the immersive environment, the sound in a dark space. the fear. The work becomes visually in people's mind / imagination of the different things. Hamlet - different aspects / fears. "..within, there's nothing but a vast dread" . where have the imaginations been (adults' world)

like those sensual pieces that (for example: 1. seeing others cut themselves, you could empathize or feel it somehow but not the intensity - ooo painful / afraid to see it / fainted because of the vast amount of blood. 2. watching the force of nails slowly or quickly into oranges ? 

'Joseph Cornell +++ Dianne Waldman'  'Untitled (Butterfly Habitat)' c.1940  reminds me of the image of cracking glass and the potential break into pieces on you / the floor, but think about risk assessment, hanging a heavy object to display while trying to present the idea of 'danger' is just not right (for the audiences). but minimize the size or range of the work 'Sand Fountain' (late 1950s) by showing the broken glass in a box. 

'Dien Bien Phu' (1954) - the cracking glass. The artist created the space - a photo frame or a wooden box - like old collections,  not as i have been done - by displaying on the floor... 

Been sitting on the carpet (a habit of mine, much comfy in the library), it seems more focused than sitting in front of the window, i could just people watching for the whole afternoon while thinking things, not focused but can be a bit helpful for the streaming of ideas if you keep recoded).  I know a little about artists so the lesson for me is .. grab a book with an interesting name, look through the contents, images can be very inspiring (even random one can give me ideas) 

Look up the books / bookshelves, I wonder why i haven't ever felt the sense of danger before - what if those books fall over, the possibility is high actually, just imagine a bit? the mess, how they are randomly out and crossed of the bookshelves, layers and layers.

the one image i noticed on the back of the book - a mirror as a whole ceiling, two people viewing themselves through the door in a gallery i assume. but the point is .. 'the state of tension'  - the moment when cats or dogs or animals see the reflection of themselves there, why do they feel and started fighting / irritating the opposite potential enemy. what about people? narcissistic or afraid to see themselves? 

Thinking about the feeling of tension (when you receive the sources of tension or how would you feel). Is it about the time period when you are watching a horror film or some war saga or some scene on the screen? or some people that you find horrified about or things that can stimulate your brain wave or some nerves / emotional reactions? (reminder: the documentary on BBC about fear - 'Fear Itself', how the moving images or still image at that one moment interacting with the sound or background and all being mixed up to visually express the theme 'fear', successfully make audiences feel the fear itself.) 

Fliping through the pages in the library - 'LIGHT SHOW' (interesting book design - lots go artists' names on the side) .. the neon light - the colour - red - can be a way to show the tension within the space. Just as the colour usage in the film (for example: 'Cries and Whispers' - the colour of crimson red as the director Bergman said the colour is the most closest to the human soul. the contract that you can see white and black and red .. it also illuminates the emotional isolation and tension among the three sisters (relationships) . Several scenes in the 'Fear Itself' the clips from horror films also screened the colour 'crimson red' with the interpretation (of how it related to blood or i think a sense of dreadful silence or sacred ? the sacrifice . the ritual ?)

So I'm considering the colour. 

Imagine the scene, i wonder (just as a social experiment) what if there are two opposite walls with a narrow aisle, in the centre, there is a low-positioned lightning device, if that one person would avoid (touching or being touched by the wall of the light) / simply walk pass the aisle ? or the person would reach for the light ? pieces like Marina Abramovic's 'A Living Door of the Museum', how the participants turn the side to one side? the distance? how they walk / behave within the space when passing through the door? 

The work 'Light and Shadow Drawings 13' in the book by Nancy Holt , I'm picturing the scene of 'potential danger', surrounded by the light, spotlight on the stage, all focused on the performer (the one person) alone, the attention being given, the state of anxiety or distress i can imagine.. just as the work how she put one line (some material)  in front of the lights that were projected and overlapped on the wall, while for the viewers, due to the perspective, it looks like in the middle - an intervene. It got me the idea of what about the string , one single string with the torch of lights (like being cornered by enemies - the light / lightning devices).

Just as when the sunlight and the heat energy is all gathered on the spot on the paper if you put a magnifier under the sun, it will burn. the invisible tension (the process) as i can see. 

The candle and the window and the night and the wind - the elements that exist in the scene to imply something horrible or scary is about to happen, particularly the moment when the wind blows away the candle light then leaves with the complete dark and the frightened hearts.   (though about the image on the book - flexible organic LED / OLED lightning developed by Holst Centre, Edindhoven)

SHANTA, RED (1968) by James Turrell has the most striking effect - the correlation with the physical space - black and red - the boundary / cross line. the colour shines through the space - the potential danger - black. red - the sign of danger as well (bloody? violence? sensual?...) I like the spot he chose - the corner, while you can see the lines, just as the forces of two vertical direction? 

Googling the meaning of my theme title 'State of Tension', good thing about the native language is not English or because that I've discovered myself being a potential sergeant, curious or have OCD tendency - what's it about? though i've already known the meaning.. interesting found - 'what is the force of tension' someone asked the question.. bad thing is i might take a longer journey and get distracted to solve the little (irrelevant) questions... 

 There are several ways of how i might will approach / do some experiments about the theme 'State of Tension'.

After yesterday's lecture about the portraits of woman, Bergman's film - the gaze of people (close-up) in front of the camera, the feeling that the one particular character is speaking to you, one-to-one conversations, through their eyes and the facial expressions, they seem to be revealing something. and the tension of gazing or staring, especially when you meet other people outside your personal comfort zone, it'd be more or less make the receiver feel offensive or uncomfortable. 

Interesting that i found the note from the old book 'Psychoanalysis and the Artists' - i read the secret that someone left it, one side of the paper is the music notes 'sonata / No.7 Op.10', then i decided to check the song, 'haunted' could be the word. With the slow marching low range of the deep sound, you can feel a sense of tension is going on, knocking at your heart, (a bit like a horror film), and the 

The red lines across the dark room when the bank robbers want to get in as a trigger alarm. 

The boundaries – North and South Korea/ the continents that countries set themselves to keep themselves in/ the area of the ocean or air included – invisible/ set rules by border control… even dogs set their reign by spreading their urine. The advertisement between two desk-mates – middle ground line.

I might as well 'draw' a pile of line by building up with some powder material, simplified the intension / the message about 'no trespassing' and i believe either people ignore it (like Richard Long's pieces in nature) or alert a bit and picture what's going to happen far across the line. 

Reminder: It is funnily interesting to think back when you heard someone (women particularly? prejudice? or female has more compassion?) talking about people with dyslexia are creative (?) or intelligent (? forgot). But what about those uncommon ones (not autism), it is good to hear that people see the other part of learning disability (showing support and positivity). Sounded like she'd love to have a dyslexia people to write and do the task and very proud (very kind) to show her attitude and seems the other what-she-thinks 'normal' or 'all' Chinese students are just the type of 'come here and have fun' - WHY shouldn't be? if you like your work, it should have fun, play. Who said that or make a rule that study should be like monks?! at least has been noticed that I do not ask others questions or talk that much, which is true and also a bad thing as a student. It is my own responsibility to handle all the tasks, the performance - good at timing / listen carefully about the lecture / check the email everyday and reply on time / solve your own mental or emotional issues (study instead of dealing with personal problems) just as the stereotype - good students are good at managing every prat of their life, what is the priority to them and focus and finish every point of the task. Failed attitude / the "sketchy" attitude / the mask (outer or inner). It's good to realize the ongoing problem and improve them - a lesson. While somethings are there, life-long, consistent, only by improving or reducing the negative sides. Looks normal (no one is normal), what I've seen is the fake ones and the pretenders - social psychology is fascinating (not just interpersonal relationships or psychology about the mind / behaviours / emotions), what if , by putting everyone on the continnum (as everyone is sensitive or emotional), someone is more extreme, everyone vary from those generalized behaviours, how should they be treated? Good teacher knows about 'understanding' that everyone is different - encouragement rather than what? (rejecting? denying?). just imagine if someone is too sensitive to the criticism, they could die. Lessons are essential for learning, but what about understanding?

Talking about 'labelling' as an item (kids do not know the name of the item for they can not read words), no matter it's moral or not, people should tag them with sort of thing? but it's your own responsibility to manage the outside world not the attitude from others, everyone is different.  For example, they have special need nanny to help those children and family. I guess it is unfair? It is indeed. But the bottom line is they deserve the chance to study. It'd be much easier if everyone is not as the labor in those factories (Choplin). Label the word and 'Be Cautious'. First impression crisis, water is not that solid than a rock? but soon it'll beat the rock and leave a hole. 

"On The Edge" is the key word when I was watching a short video about symptoms to describe people's feeling. It reminds me of the scene that happened last Saturday night, when someone placed a glass cup on the edge of the table (half out, half in, in balance), the sort of tension was created for the other viewers. 

"Play with stereotype and have fun with it" as the lecture 'Mindset' last week at CSM. Everyone is equal to talk about their opinions about others or things, without the titles that society given to them. Then why do i feel this state of tension that ... No, everywhere is full of tension. It can be the stress that you put on your shoulder - invisible. 

Write honestly (aggressively). Make ironic work - be innovative - be bold. Richard Long was not doing such things (followed rules, system / programmed, same plain characters).  

"do not censor. do not repress." early letters written by Freud to Martha Bernays . (proto-) psychoanayltic dictum . (continuing the documentary: Freud - Genius of the Modern World). 'Repression' itself is the battle between the couscous and unconscious mind. 

I assume I do have some problem with 'understandings' - way of thinking, perceiving or feeling due to the illness. what is understanding? as everyone can have excuses or can be treated differently. It's not that humane the world we live in. "Why does everything has to be about everything?" quoted from the evening lecture - 'Bergman's Portraits of Women'.  and something like "I wonder if people dreamt that when they wake up ... ashamed of themselves." 

 Reading Week 2.

Workshop in the evening - Sound Art.  It is interesting to create the sample (as in a more professional way to say stealing, the artist said) - sound effects by searching on Google (i believe there are more sources on the internet). I think I am definitely going to explore sound media in the future, by collecting sounds (just as the project Collection / Re-edit). 

The idea of sonic bomb is horrifying, the invisible sound waves within that space can cause psychological trauma in human, invisible but powerful.  Behind the story is the state of tension about countries to countries, boundaries and defenses, peace under the big dome of upcoming storm. 

There are so many ways of interpret paintings - visual language is so strong that the detector of human eyes can not ignore them, seconds, not like the sound, people dissociate, people focus on things or one conversation, the sound / contents can be filtered somehow.

Sunday gallery visit.

1. Portrait paintings. 

2. Collage works. 

Tutorial - discussing about the project - the general writing about the proposal.  After being given an example to read, also the help of Pauline, I started to have a better understanding about what should be included in each paragraph (it is my fault to have missed out the lecture on Thursday before assessment - the more in detailed one. It is not an excuse instead the right thing to blame self who have overslept in the morning after the overnight portfolio arrangement for the Wednesday Slade review, which was a time-waste - quality matters not quantity; attitude about how you display the work matters. And work smart / be productive.)

So the first paragraph is about the interest - explain the one thing that interests you the most and the observation that you have (for example: the exact behavior on children). 

The last paragraph is about the aims (not just one) - I know you shouldn't write something certain like "to do what what... to let audience what what..." no one knows others reactions, not expected in the plan as they are not programmed robots. 

CSM library. continuing my little obsession 'Fluxus'. Looking outside the window, people watching, thought about my initials 'DQ', and the conversations with people if I have to explain the meaning of my name - two different colors - reddish / blueish. Then I googled the result after mix two colors, though I know a bit of color theory, someone said 'green'? (or that's what I thought about?). The direction of my PPP is basically about 'tense' / opposite force ? (at least for now, have to narrow it down). After the Friday individual tutorial - the tendency to go too broad like 'herding cats' (what Pauline said) - I know it's my problem, ideas, far and far then lost. I have to pin it down, by asking questions that's related to the point. I know I've been 'talking' too far from the main point, scientists say that people watching / relax can actually bring out creative ideas . The key point is the 180* opposite .. and the process of the liquid (fluid) till colors mixed up together, it can be a sort of invisible force? or can it be something (2) - the reflection - but it's just reflection - unreal. something you think it's reachable, but it's not. it's all about the "Eyes. Lies. Illusion." (recall that it's the title of a book). Vapor! Just as your breath - it's there but you can't see you can't catch it, but you can feel it when position your fingers around the area, just as people on the screen (funny and scary) trying to examine / reassure the person is dead. (out of breath. K.O.). And funny thing about the witty show called 'Inside No.9', there's one episode called 'The Last Grip', just as funny as the story is about how people try to collect and sell the last breath of a dead celebrity in a balloon.

I know I have to catch up my reflection and research on Part 2, but I have to be honest that today is not going to be a productive day for typing down things (reflections), for my head is full of new project and daydreaming ? after the afternoon tutorial about narrowing down my 'starting point' as a direction aka 'theme' (?) and library reading / researching 'Fluxus'. Books with interviews (conversations) inside are inspiring.

It's getting dark outside. 'voids' . the reflections on the window is not that 

lines through two spaces .. I think it's better for me to write in .. 

'voids . avoid .
reflection on the window .
slippery . shadowy .
lines through two spaces .
bright (white) / matte dark (blue) .
mixed perceptions .. real / surreal .'

It can be a visual display something ambivalent. It's better than the police questioning room - dark room / peeping Tom observing from the other side through the mirror.   

__________

10 Feb Saturday

me not concentrating on the urgent work (assessment) that needs to be done. but found something interesting about the painting  A Bar at the Folies-Bergère by Manet. 

The art historian Jeffrey Meyers describes the intentional play on perspective and the apparent violation of the operations of mirrors: “Behind her, and extending for the entire length of the four-and-a-quarter-foot painting, is the gold frame of an enormous mirror. The French philosopher Maurice Merleau-Ponty has called a mirror ‘the instrument of a universal magic that changes things into spectacles, spectacles into things, me into others, and others into me.’ We, the viewers, stand opposite the barmaid on the other side of the counter and, looking at the reflection in the mirror, see exactly what she sees... A critic has noted that Manet’s ‘preliminary study shows her placed off to the right, whereas in the finished canvas she is very much the centre of attention.’ Though Manet shifted her from the right to the center, he kept her reflection on the right. Seen in the mirror, she seems engaged with a customer; in full face, she’s self-protectively withdrawn and remote.”

My concentration is mixed as the view sometimes that people see or the magic mirror shows to the viewer himself. The focus of the camera, the mirror with vapor on it, problem with the eye-sight (the physical/biological reason?) - i.e. near-sighted, people who hallucinate after using substances like absinthe or any other alcohol or psychedelic drugs? The perspective is real or not real (surreal), clear or not clear (vague).  dream, castle on the clouds, children's point of view and adults' way of seeing the world and subjects, fantasy or reality. 

Key words that I've listed. (my starting point for there are too many or broad fields that I'm interested - little things ? or i have no idea what i want to do - a theme .. yes it's hard to think about 'theme' at the very beginning when someone asked me what am i going to do, my answer would be and was 'i don't know'.  - "Any ideas?" - "I don't know".)

Starting from 'ambivalent' (how I got flows of keywords / ideas). this is the word I'm getting to use a lot.  i like this word - for how it looks, how it sounds and what it means - mixed . I think this is the word to describe the way how i think / feel most of the time.  (Latin is beautiful, the origins of how languages developed. the language itself can be a form - maybe intangible / too abstract). There are always conflicts when i make decisions or hold two or more totally different point of view about people or things - I am ambivalent about how I feel - the uncertainty makes everything seem stuck in the middle ground with some invisible forces that has been controlling me? 

first draft (list):

Fences  ('Boundaries' France Alys thin green line - tutor's recommendation)

'Oppositions'

'Dichotomies'

Forces

Power

Pulling

Ambivalent

Human relationships

Invisible bubbles / circles

Interpersonal spaces / relationships (sociology)

Sociology (Methods: comparative / Subfields: conflict)

Marina Abramovic  arrow 

Fatal Attraction

Gego (strings / pulling / both sides)

Maget

Over-consumption

Over-consumerism

Post-truth

Post-facture 

(been hearing words like 'post-' during lectures recently and always interesting. adding 'post', when i first heard the word 'post-truth', i thought it means something from the past, not in the future. and the meaning behind it? is far more like the idea of 'utopia'? unreal? but an image of 

Emotional outburst – uncontrolled energy ? too much / overloaded

Silence / Withdrawn / Isolation 

(emotional reactions) 

 (personal interest? developed months ago) 

Rebel

Fluxus

Protest (can’t bear anymore - the physical / verbal reaction)

Anti-art

Dada

(after tutorial)

Culture construction or ? construction

Different society and values 

Underneath the surface

Swan (elegance) but downside (feet / moving – not elegant)

Iceberg

Tension and ?

Pressure

power tactics / social psychology / sociology ... social context : cultural / contextual psychology .