What's on my mind this morning? (can't focus catching up my work now but typing what's inside NOW). About the reflection? To record process of thinking? So...

Related to my 2 week project 'Place' or 'Collection', I want(ed) to stress the mental states that everyone's been going through, people who are experiencing or suffering from the negativity of it, life circumstances that people can feel related to and get comfort from (or too bad to cause them ruminating the past ... or to spread the knowledge I have for now ...

Everyone have different life stories, emotional distress, stress in daily life ...but I believe the emotional side of it about how we feel is universal same - just as the game to identify the words by picking an image, "boredom" / "sad" / "tree house" , no matter how abstract those meanings of the words are.

Not just about the general idea of mental (health) itself must be valued, but also there are so many issues that may be neglected or under-rated under the big umbrella of it.

Was reading through Personality Disorder earlier. Personality, just a word 'personality', it combines with mind, behaviours, emotions that make each one of us an individual. If they actually affect people's mind, thinking process and lives, they need emotional support from others, also from artworks. According to Royal College of Psychiatrists article, "In mental health, the word ‘personality’ refers to the collection of characteristics or traits that we have developed as we have grown up and which make each of us an individual. These include the ways that we: think/ feel/ behave. "  

Wish my research could have more about psychiatry study, psychological traits, knowledge (about science, mind, brain, human behaviours, , since reading is a part of conceptual art, and it's a good way to stress the issue, same as humanity or any other kinds of issues in society. They are the materials can be influenced and have an impact worldwide. There are lots of disorders are still not yet having a treatment or knowing the cause of those mental issues, brain is a complex component,  and the society hold stigma, not talking about issues or realizing them or with bias or given such a bad rep.

I know it's quite selfish to just paint your personal story, while tutor mentioned "have to convince audiences", for they wouldn't know if it's the truth or not about the photos or memory or the place... But I think it's a way of story-telling, everyone lies, as human nature. Story-telling is appealing just as a fantasy, you'd never know but accept it and imagine it. Then it becomes a trick to test if you are a good liar or not to let others convinced by your story. or completely twist the story to anther version... (Isn't it the fact that?) artworks should evoke audiences' feelings about the piece, let them question the truth or not, having doubts is a way of participating. 

Watched the second episode of Blue Planet II: The Deep. Wish I could have amounts of advanced vocabularies to describe the creatures I saw and how I feel about this unbelievable wonderland beneath the surface (ocean). The colours (lumiere) surrounding, those flashing blue lights, my eyes were totally wide opened by the views the BBC filming crew did. The underworld looks like fireflies in the forrest, though the colours are more variable. There is this creature - barreleye that reminded me of  my 2 week project. He's got a transparent head! We human beings can't have that naturally, I'm sure. The skull, the space inside his head, how those tiny body parts set aside. I wonder what a fish's brain consists of? the brain itself is not secret anymore. Just as the way I want to show, but a bit deeper with neurons, memory bits? but without the exact images. 

"And even stranger", quoted from the narrator, it is, a creature called flapjack octopus. 

it looks like a collage piece, dog's ears, what a vibrant coloured skin she has, elephant skin? all worked on her! It's a weird combination, in a good way. Collage is fun for you can put everything together without any responsibilities, then have a laugh after looking at the ridiculous whole transformed piece. Oh like Medusa, got snakes around her head, what a character. You should not use logic when you do collage. 

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Read short articles online - "...altered states of consciousness", maybe just me overthinking, it brought me back to 'Altered Spaces',  the week we were doing 2D project, the week I didn't think too much about the theme 'Altered Spaces' - completely the outcomes (several pieces) were from nowhere, followed the collage I had made. I should have considered more! The link between two - 'altered', meaning 'change in character or composition, typically in a comparatively small but significant way'. 'Altered' can be used to describe the state of mind! That's deep in my humble opinion. Thinking. How would I paint another one if not based on my collage? (mind, how to paint mind? always interesting to think about that.)

Was reading through scripts (summary) of Ingmar Bergman's film - Fanny and Alexander , there appeared some interesting lines that you thought 'That is it!' (those are the words I want to put into my work as well) - “Everything can happen, everything is possible and probable. Time and place do not exist, on an insignificant basis of reality, the imagination spins, weaving new patterns: a mixture of memories, experience, free fancies, incongruities and improvisations.” 

"Time and place do not exist" - debatable. Everything is all in this unknown space (where time and space lose their meaning, where did the concept of 'time' and 'place' come from? It's just the here and now - the presence.  The space (seemingly has no end of the spectrum) squashed pieces which people call 'memories'.

 It relates to the 2 week project, 'Place'. What's the differences between 'Place' and 'Space'? I had to admit that I had been occupied by the idea of 'Space'. It is a much bigger range of concept to think about. 'Place' is like a branch of those 'memories', no matter how physically or emotionally you feel about a place. They are all in there - the brain helps us to record everything that we see. The place, the images we see are received by the receptor(?). Comparing with the Space itself - outer space, the universe. Human beings are probably as tiny as a dust (not accountable, can't calculated by the actual numbers). This whole idea of the outer space (normally, no one can touch it, but awe about the magnificent space that we know nothing/ little about. The limited visual images that were taken by those explorers, technologies, then pass them through generations, photos can't lie (if no one photograph them), people try to remember beautiful things, but they know they have limits, and they tend to have this dependency on taking photos, even though they have never physically been to this place. But somehow this image of the place stuck in one's mind, the connection about this place turns into a fantasy that illusively make the person believe that he knows something(?) ... Brain is fascinating. (I don't even know myself, what I've been typing and trying to explain...)

I remember an image about the perception of the face on the Moon, but I forgot where exactly I saw this. A photo with a part of the surface of the Moon, it looks like a face, but it's just a trick from the observer's eyes , through the shades and lights, it 'becomes a face.

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After a nap? I remembered and found the image, but not sure about this - 'No eye had ever seen this - the back of the moon'. photographed by a Russian rocket in October 1959. It seems just like a normal photo now, but no one has ever seen this before at that time. 

Spotted this one book in the library named - 'Eye and Brian. The Psychology of Seeing.' by R.L.Gregory.

Though the 2 week project has ended, but the research never ends, I guess that's the right spirit to persuade knowledge or curiosity (to satisfy the ego of knowing the truth).

Some images were found, somehow they can expand my ideas and the reason why I painted like that - the painting itself. When I turned the book over, upside down, the graphic(?) image looks just like the clearer (direct) version of my painting. There are eyeballs, the brain, and what's in-between? - the neurons, how the eyes catches visual informations reflect to the part, then stimulate the brain to record. It is a beautiful coincidence, I might have to say. I didn't think that way (eyes) but like a door gate. But science proved that I was on the right track - more convincing! (though I'm very good at making up reasons/ explanations.)

 See? It just so look alike my painting! The green and red rectangle parts represent the door gate, also represent the filters - for the viewing positions. And "this adaptation must be in the brain and not in the eyes", it all ends in the brain!

Big Day. Transported the piece of work (canvas) on tube, all the way to Kings Cross campus (It's a long way under the ground, I even started to doubt that the location is not a great spot for a university if you need to carry lots of paint material or canvas.)

As tutor mentioned before the set-up on the wall, it is a new thing for me to know that, 55cm from the centre of the canvas to the ground. I thought about earlier, should it be the same height as my eyesight? or higher (how much?) or the open gate part is the same height as my eyesight? (this was the moment when I took those two rectangles as eyes, then everyone can see the top of the canvas is what's inside the brain.)

I don't know how someone can handle the hammer and nails with so much passion, I saw that, straight, certain, quick, accurate and harsh. This is definitely one of the things I need to learn, without second thoughts of fear, just nail it! I like the big open space (probably cause I'm proud of my painting? after I changed a lot during the midnight, white paint covered the all black sketches I had not marked earlier, leaving the texture itself to the centre of the eyes. I felt something's kidding in the painting, too empty maybe? or missing some information that I want to tell? about the theme? Later I thought about adding the dates then painted them as vague memory pieces. It looked not weird any more. I was satisfied indeed.) for people including me can have this experience of viewing others' work as in a gallery!

Performance art is impressive to look at, the artist, the physical relationship with the artwork. The moment is present, the feelings are right towards to audiences, the place and time perfectly connected with each other. The risk during the performance, everything is unpredictable. 

After the exhibition, I went back to check 5-HTP, I sensed that the drive to google the term, it turned out I was wrong! I don't know why I thought about 5-HTP with a 'P', so the right term I wanted to display was supposed to be "5-HT", which is a serotonin that makes people happy. But I was lucky it was half wrong, for 5-HTP is the formal stimuli to form 5-HT. I should've check and examine the scientific fact more carefully! not just making up.

Haven’t seen Jasper John’s work , but I shall soon at RA. I’ve never heard of this expressionist before based on my limited knowledge or the brain capacity?

But I did googled his name and works. Interestingly, one of his pieces is called Target. The moment I saw this piece, just thought of things like ‘meditation’ or mind? Brain? Like a maze or is something that in the central nerve that you can target to the point, even a neuron has a central part. It’s about focus ? the ones you can see in the tube stations, a red cross sign, a maze, I played with the game once, it turned out quite easy to get out, can be a graphic design of the brain function. (I did some similar shapes in my sketches, but i rejected it. just thinking then. similar when people talk about hypnosis, the pattern will come up to show the human consciousness. interesting...)

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Same day after the little exhibition, didn't make it to Tate Modern for the Martin Parr's talk (colours), instead - OXO Gallery is a new spot to look around. It was quite small there, but I was attracted by the pictures they put on the app about this exhibition - 3D installations! The lights, the structures, comparing with the drawings there, I did prefer installations more, for the experience is more close / intense / real when things come vividly moving. 

Though I know myself, I can never make something like that! - the whole 'geeky', genius, complicated skills that involved with the knowledge of technology (craft work)? something like car fixing, each one of the transparent box was built with lots of recycled materials, somehow the artist made them work, functionally speaking. with the changing colors of the light, it was like a dream, you really could see the future. But the question is, what does future look like? I hope it's not all about a high-technology cities, lightnings, where are those plants go?

The most inspiring part is how those drawings were displayed! Interestingly, this afternoon tutor mentioned about the point of how to display our work - just hanging on the wall? I learned, a drawing or a painting can be moved like a clock under the first layer of the carved (with holes to see what's beneath), and some decorations around stretchers / canvas, which is the elements that appeared in the painting, invading / expanding the limited 2 dimensional space. 

Came to the studio today, on the road in the morning, I was thinking '1 day left, start to paint at last. organize? not organized (as always). 24''x24'' (inches) might be the wrong size, should've been a bit bigger?! but shall do.'. I really should have made a solid plan. Did buy a meter long un-primed fabric, no stretcher/ wood either. 

Carried away black and white paint - since I've decided to paint on the canvas, and the main coulours. 

One of the lessons I've learned today is the small sketches on paper or ideas or this image you pictured in your vision system (somewhere on your mind), it won't work out as you planned. Actually I did get stuck after I finished the sketch - brain dissection (left and right brain with caudates - I saw this image in a book, so it is true/ convincing with scientific proof, well, I did a messy version of it) and the gate line to the brain. Then used texture gel, as I experimented yesterday, but after I finished brushing the brain part, I realized the shade / texture is not that dark / obvious as yesterdays. The reason for that? - the scale of the canvas and the amount of sand texture gel. I thought about re-sketching the brain and adding more gel, then I thought just see what would happen to keep the brain sketch. Accidentally, the step of washing brush and the paint went wrong, the black and white and the gel made the canvas became grey tone, which didn't look good. So that's when I decided to paint over the area with white paint. With courage. It went well. I kept the mark (left side top), but painted it over around and inside the area of the brain. 

Yes I had a block but have to continue, for the fear of ruining the energy of it, of what I've had. After a while, I started to play around spider web with sand texture gel (it is quite sticky actually), for I failed to create the texture I want to describe neurons or the turmoil inside. 

I felt grateful that normally I just paint and know very little of the names, after the sketch, with the help of a classmate in the studio, he recommended the name of the artists that reminded him from my style, such as Robert Rauschenberg's Condor, Cy Twombly (after googled the name, I realized 'ahhh, he's the artist who painted the famous loops as a chaotic mind')...

It looked something not right, aesthetically speaking maybe,  when I looked at the painting before leaving the studio (it looked complete, but I wouldn't feel right to call it an end). I looked it over and over again, trying to find a way to change it, those black marks of the brain don't look like brain / ugly even it is what a brain looks like - I'm not allowed to accept myself to paint like that, I assume  (the shape is very strange, not equally the same or I put too much passion in it - very quickly as always, but forgot to check the shape of the brain, it should be smaller on the top, I was wrong).

It took courage that I decided to use primer to paint it again, I mean, the right brain sketch, repeat the process what I did in the afternoon. Yes, I was doing it in the middle of the night. During the process, I found it looked much better just leave it like this - cause the web / neurons are already there - avoid 'too much' / crowded in a painting. 

5-HTP is something I thought about on the first layer of the sketch, it is something (stimuli?) that can make you feel happy, and that's exactly how I feel when I paint, this is the most strongest and clearest memory piece I can create. 

After that, I thought the painting is a bit too empty just with 5-HTP, and I pinned it down with a red (hot spot) pin as a clue within the neurons, as the feeling is crystal clear in the system.  So, memory pieces and 'vague', what was the date that triggers? (thought about those numbers at first, 13/10/2016, it was quite life-changing, painful that you can't forget, but without the intensity of that overwhelming feelings any more),what's the date recently? (31/10/2017, week of painting! it was a coincidence that 10, 3, 1 appeared with different sequences.) . I painted them over with 3 different intensity / layers of white paint. 

The truth is I was still considering to play with the plan B - the Frankenstein project with all the papers, roles, canvas with three dimensional strings pulling out. I really need to just stick to one and do with it, even though you have the confidence to finish a painting very fast (risk! if you stuck again?). and Time Management, you thought you'd finish it, but you never know...

Brought white paint (I regretted that the fact - just white paint, didn't bring enough paint to practice! also, I had no idea what or how to paint, but the gates), sand texture gel, a medium size canvas and some other materials for today. Yesterday I felt a bit relieved - finally it sorted out what I'm going to do for Thursday. But there was a voice inside my brain said, no... I want to paint but also want to do something big (not that boring? - just with a canvas. though installation can be quite small) 

So I cut the canvas around the stretchers to do some experiment, (bought tights - looks like neurons!, with some metal wires - still the texture of it looks like the electricity that running through / linked to neurons. I felt sorry for the canvas, I did. But I have to make something, to try. So I messed about the module for a while, and I quite like the shape of three dimension of how strings can be so free out of the space (stretcher), but through the space within it. But I bet the stretcher is too small to make me feel 'wow', that's what I'm going to present the idea. And the colour of the tights is not right, though neurons might be transparent or what colour? (I don't know), reddish? but definitely not like this (bright pink?), not even closer to blood. 

Did some other experiment on the fabric that I cut out earlier. with the sketch of brain (with this new magical ink-pen I bought to test it out, tried it in sketchbook to draw the brain, it's inky and dark). Due to the limited paint material, so I use sand texture gel to bend it in with brushes through lines and brush strokes. It was an eye-opener that the effect of it! - the gel mixed perfected with dark black mark, watery, the texture! 

During lunch break, walked around to find some branches - as the body of branch-man, turned out it was hard. Went to the florist, found willow! thin neurons! literarily digging into the bin to collect leaves as well - as the skin. 

Afternoon, randomly rolling newspaper into circles, building snowballs into a snowman. for the fact that glue couldn't do more effects on sticking the paper together, so instead I used woolen (?) thin strings to tie them up. It really takes time to make a big one comparing with the space at Kings Cross, things that have been made were too mini. 

In the end of the day, I was sort of rejecting the plan with the Frankenstein project, it does includes too much (not just information, but also the time - one day left), so painting first! since the canvas is a part of everything. 

Evening, attended a lecture about 'Genius or Madness?' from an academic psychologist, I've been fascinated about the phenomenon behind it - if the mental illness can actually lead to some level of creativity? Lots of big names in history and introduced the disorders like OCD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorders... Brain functions (which relates to my project, what's inside the brain?!), 'dopamine circuits', fibres, 'brain architecture' like "white matter integrity"... and neuron transmitters, code like 5-HTP, I learned something new - "DARPP-32" for transmitters (wrote it on the canvas, but removed it as it's not connected with my feeling about it? or just 5-HTP is enough). Brain images are intriguing as always. 

Monday - new week , also means alert on - 'how many days left to exhibit at KX campus'? in public! one of the biggest showing spaces so far for me. It was quite exciting, as when you went to the art store picking up the size of the canvas, you told yourself 'This is going to be big (24''x32'' or ...)? simple, conceptual would be the ultimate goal. as the space at the main campus, the audiences...'  I don't know where my stress has been. Haven't started to make any real object, maybe a bit of testing out the black strings on grey board to make it look like neurons?

 I just know I can't stop thinking, and there always too many new stuff coming out. How to focus on one point, without way too much? What exactly I want to show? - the memory? the space inside the brain? ... I think I'm confused myself.

And yes, the tutorial! I like tutorial, one to one, discussion, and a little bit debate, with my questions and not afraid of authorities. And because I'm still not sure (struggling) about the final piece, how am i going to make it? Having too many ideas is not good. During the weekend, new ideas came out after the book searching about the brain. How to operate a brain surgery or neurosurgery? I wanted to show the truth about the memory zone, aka the brain. Fascinated by the idea of 'what's actually happened inside the brain?'.

So, the task for today was to write the proposal of the piece, which in the end of the day, I finally made something, well some experiment on the grey board - wondering how to organize the image of neurons/ brain. Played some back string around the board with white paint, testing out the materials. As the tutor in the morning said - "make something", I talked and showed the new idea and the idea last Thursday, didn't believe she liked the old one (the Frankenstein project). I know everyone's got different tastes, and I appreciate that, I guess one of the reasons is that the clock is ticking, but I haven't made anything... just the sketches on paper, they are all in my imagination! (not existed, or it might not work in the end.) 

I didn't plan too much with the materials this morning, during the lunch break, went to charity shop to find something. Halloween is coming, then I spotted the spider web they used it as a decoration. Also with some tape  (fragile on it), shredded paper! (looks like brain tissues?). The experiment didn't look very nice as I pictured, but at least I tried. I should have started earlier.

I think I'm really afraid of Contemporary Art, or I wouldn't mumble "(Yes/) Me!" when I saw this book, named "Who's Afraid of Contemporary Art?" The big-headed subject to be tackled, a great of the greatest mystery to solve? (not a chance), if I could understand a bit more in the future. 'Fine Art' in 'Now'. 

Just saying, this gallery manager I met this evening, the term he describe the artist - "Emerging Artist" and "Established Artist"... mind blowing. wow. I really have a lack of knowledge about this modern or (and?) contemporary art world. In one word, that's why I should be here! I have no idea how I got in, I really appreciate it, there are so many excellent classmates that know a lot about contemporary artists, I barely know anyone, or painters' name. 

Walking pass Hanover Street? No.20 somewhere. colours! looks like Wassily Kandinsky's 'Colour Studies with Notes on Technique' (1913) in distance. When I looked closer, it's genius(!) how they displayed the whole piece outside the building with colored plastic(?) material (did't get the name of the artist). just like shattered (indeed) memory pieces. 

Finding books about brain, there are some interesting graphics of the brain outline from different sides (perspective: front view and from the top). Saw those two sides of the brain and the skylight images (the door gates), it suits perfectly with this two circles shown on the book - right and left caudate. 

'Keep it simple'/ 'FOCUS on one' ... I'm on spell those words have been repeating ... (and not obvious ... think!)

Can the action of recording the brain activity be a way of explaining/ showing the brain/ mind? It is from the space inside, when you think/ talk about the events, places, some certain people, songs... and the lines can be straight or with peaks which reflect the changing of emotions (peaceful/ upsetting/ ...). mood swing. 

Had this visual image on my mind (feels like just in front of you, but invisibly) about how the work is going to be painted (not just paint, part would be mixed media based on the canvas), inspired by the skylight as you can see Thursday night). Sadly, I'm really bad with the actual 'space' if we are talking about the measurements with numbers to describe how big it would be displayed next week.

Images, colours, materials, those elements are emerging.  A new outcome, I can feel this time the piece is going to be a revolution for me to try - simpler, controlled , conceptual . 

Went to the art store in the afternoon for getting a bit of sense of the physical 'space'/ size of the canvas. some experiment? 

Seeing the real object and the pictured one is different. ways of manipulating the canvas, be bold. It was one canvas and an expanding sign of neurons (webs/strings) or tying around the canvas (gluing) or laying one size of canvas onto another (for example, longer one as a section of the gate door, so it'll be two canvas / paintings form a new one).

Spotted a jar of white powder (unknown), it looked like the white concrete wall... after they turn into a different form ... after the paint fell off the wall after years pass by. 

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Night inspiration? The journey was started from watching the documentary 'Killing For Love' while having dinner, a great program for psychoanalysis by the way it showed (old videos about the trails, interviews after 25 years...). The story is about the murderer Elizabeth Haysom, who stabbed her parents to death and his former lover - how the act of 'love' actually destroyed his life. Since my project is focused on memory, I've always been fascinated about the brain, what's happening inside? What (exactly) happened inside the brain through life experiences / family upbringing / surroundings .. what caused the reaction? the act of 'love'? 

I was in (maybe spent too much time on it, more interviews on YouTube, in one word - got distracted - the drive to know more - which people call it 'curiosity'? to get satisfied with this situation / compensation to fill? then you'd know how bad my discipline is - didn't re-organize my sketchbook as I had planned earlier. Just like the way how I type the reflection now - the mind can't stop bouncing around, everywhere, then bounce back, sometimes the 'writer' make herself confused as well. "Where was I?"... I don't know how to call this phenomenon, that people forget things second after what they planned, if they go back to the same spot and think again, they might remember - the trigger and the place...). Digging more information hidden underneath - 'Borderline Personality Disorder‘, reading though the report again, keywords are ...

1. splitting ("black-and-white" thinking) - black and white, as the two extreme spectrums (paradox)

- right or wrong ? questioning the memory itself, whether it's true/or fabricated by the owner herself. try to convince themselves to be true which is not. 

- good or bad ? as the devil and the angel. It's normal to have positive and negative thoughts in your mind. 

2. dissociation 

The meaning about 'dissociation' in psychology is about the "detachment from physical and emotional experience". So from my understanding, it can be a sense of 'lost in space and time'. Taking the drunk people as an example, when they had a blackout or not, their brain would shut down not functioning, not working, not recording what happened during that period. You can't really feel about what's real, rational, right to do. 

 Sketch. End of the day, after tutorial, feeling lost again... have to change the 'stuffed' work, which is great 'being rejected' , that's the point of discussing with tutors(!) - too many ideas on the one piece. I felt it as well, I generated the primary ideas into this (what i call it) 'Frankenstein project'. It looks like everything relative or everything is on it - man figure (branches) with DNA + the brain (inside) = a whole living thing?

It's great to have lots of ideas, I was a bit unexpected to hear that it's ... PhD level (i assume the subject I've been investigating what's going on inside the brain...) but not what I should do now for two week project - over doing/ thinking again. I have to learn how to focus on one, for example, 'memory'? then it's either 'fluffy' one or 'confusing' one? How am i going to turn words into images? ... 

Night. I'm certain I just found the key to open the door - the trigger, the memory lane, the ones that have been tucked behind the brain - look at the window above your head. 

daydreaming.  as long as you can reach the height, have the courage to open it, all the forgotten pieces, the traumatic, the upsetting, the manipulated ones .. 

all the good, bad, real or fake, everything ! you've got a sky of shattered puzzles to patch them back together .. behind that small window.

I was just playing around the photo i took earlier the day - sat in the back of the classroom. It's quite romantic to have a skylight there - great spot to get in a zone of nowhere - any interesting ideas? You wouldn't think that's one part of the image from the skylight, wouldn't you?! (trick and imagine) So, here is the full image.

the skylight (inspiration!)

At first, i was attracted by the literal texts someone left on the wall (the texture), the sentence itself as well - "I just want you to trust me". The lack of trust in human relationships or the implication of the belief to God? My answer is 'NO. daydreaming. NO. fantasy.' - for the reason of the topic 'TRUST'. Someone told me, "you build a wall, but actually, you open your heart easily... without protection." I think it's the same thing as you open the gate to your memory - the action / the moment to remember some certain things in your mind. All the heartbreaks, the happiness, how you feel about things, they are all controlled by those chemic or neurons or just this unknown world called 'BRAIN'. It would be much easier if you don;t have to deal with your memories, what happened in the past, but you can't, you will start reminisce to those random pieces at some point, and they may trigger the vision.

some random thoughts on the bus. I really need to record those thoughts. 

(sorry about the wrong spelling words on the bus... I tried to type thoughts down quickly, in case they just gone...)

I thought about the model that how science museums (or in class) display the brain, think about skeleton, so why not just display a brain (model), but with space / layers, like a birthday cake but without cream in the middle. 

Was scanning the newspaper page after dinner – ‘memorial’, suddenly it came to my mind that the poppy field – a memory event that they transported the seed(?) to the Tower of London, then they grow (no, I had thought so before actually read into the articles about this installation). The idea of transport.

When I was typing, ‘ting’, another project the designer Thomas did for the Shanghai Expo – the piece of plant seeds were beautifully collected and displayed in a space.

Random Thoughts

Mirrors? Pocket mirrors? Female in history or now or every bathroom has a wall of mirror. As if it would record or remind them where they are now. People take photos, record moving images as if to remember that they existed in this world.

Mirrors with white paint? Or words? As a record of how a child think about the world or the one in the mirror (with curiosity?), but when you grow up, the ambiguous concept of self (images) has changed. 

What if you put a canvas or a painting on the floor, not on the wall?

Mirror is the fabric to paint on it, write on it ( as to the lover) or smash it (to ghost, evil spirit) or more. to reflect.

Afternoon Tutorial

Thinking Through Drawing. Learning how to visualize words into images, yes, still ongoing. Seems I'm still having problems with perspective, the space, I realized this problem when I was doing sketches at Kings Cross, 'perspective'! is a big problem. The reason for that, I learned, perspective was created, not real. 

Visual aspects of it - about the sketchbook. There are lots of ways to display my sketchbook, by overlaying images, colouring, sticking...

Library Induction

It was helpful to have a session about how to use online resources to do research. Not just by the categories listed in the library.

Seems everything has been updated to be digital, the internet web is indeed powerful, informative, intelligent or more. When you flip through pages from those old books - library archives, seeing the borrow that's when you 

Similar scenario happened as the professor in the 1980' giving a lecture with the help of new technology - for him, it was a disaster, how is the image looing so small on the wall (projector); for the audiences, we can visually see what his paintings look like, then relate to what he was speaking. “I’ve never covered…Rome”, this line is getting stuck in my mind – the highlight of the whole night? It's undeniable that technology serves perfectly well in daily life, in different spectrums… under the circumstances of tacking the techniques, then enjoy the companionship of the new friend. (so much to learn, I wonder how those intellect create the code or how this function?

Make the most of it. Feels like doing 4D project again, but way easier.

Not just google – or Wikipedia (I do a lot, and random articles), it does, very confusing, for most of the articles haven't authorized whether they're true or not. 

I like discussing with the lady (librarian) about the project / my doubts. It is indeed that everyone has different tastes when seeing a piece of artworks, and interestingly, she and her husband always have 'fights' about it. How to be convinced ? Everyone thinks differently, relates things differently... 

Lectures all day, which I'm a big fan of lectures, knowledge! knowledge! 

Had a discussion with tutor, which was highlight of the day. Lots of going on, I think I'm not afraid of authorities, which is a good sign right? - questioning everything. To think your own way while respect others, but with doubts, probably because my nature inhibited that I don't trust others or strong-minded. One of the artist in the powerpoint "Transport" can be categorized as my approach. Since I've got this interest in collecting letters, postcards, also I write and send them. The idea behind it or how the artist displayed it in the gallery is very clear - the same message on postcards as a way to show of 'transport', between two places / countries. While, I like it as a piece of installation, I didn't know why when I talked to tutor I began to fight against this idea, for being not that convincing, I think I can fake postcards / stamps as well. How to be convincing? not some (empty) photo frames? (for it's not convincing to know for audiences if it's true or know, personal story? family?) There are too many things going on in my mind, that when I talked to tutor, I just lost as well. From the idea of how people make snowman from nature itself (snow), human creations (so I thought about building a figure - as snowman - ranchman covered with branches. Then the personal space around it as human, the modern buildings has been made everywhere with concreate, that's the world now, so the powder of concrete around branches? cause you barely see plant in the campus? and how the relation between human and nature changed nowadays. The result was "NO", for how can I get concrete from? (I have no idea either, probably too idealizing things, I believe there's always a way, asking the factory? or ruining the wall paint? but in just 2 weeks!) and I believe there will be much more exciting ideas coming up, much better. (actually I've already rejected that myself as well).

'Memory' is an abstract concept which I'm fascinated about. Then I decided to describe it as a place, what's inside the brain? 

And the idea of 'Proposal', to be honest, I was confused even after chatting with tutor, but after discussing with classmate, I think I'm nearly there now. Is it to write a description of your work, for example, 'this is a piece of my work, titled ... the idea behind of it is ... the material that I made was ...' ? 

The concept about the 'risk assessment', it's completely new for me, for something needs to be considered to be an artist to consider, especially for installations we see in the galleries, of how those pieces displayed. Yes indeed I've been wondering how those huge installations were carried all the way in galleries, for example, one piece that I still remember that was displayed in White Cube (I forgot the name, earlier before April this year I assume), lots of wooden pieces, metal, old televisions, living equivalents... the piece is about the same height as the room. The artist wants to show the life back in time of the society that he lived (not an easy life).  Spraying paint or chemical stuff is just as damaging as others, there are so many rules when we do our projects to be noticed, as the safety / induction before we use the facility that could cause physical damages. (wood-cutting / machines ... I'm very aware of that, maybe too afraid to try but I will! for making the most of it - experiencing).

I was not prepared for the morning task. I hadn't read through this two week project brief after the week of assessment. I should. Most of the time I have no idea what's going on, not checking moodle at all or email or laptop (workflow). Memory games, I was intrigued. It's tricky to draw on paper from your memory for it's just that vague, and the person himself can't even be sure about it's true or not, brain has it's way to conceive its owner in some way. 

Did some sketches around the main campus, and that was when I truly realized (again) that I am very bad with perspectives and space...

A Visit to Whitechapel Gallery.

Found something inspiring. Contemporary art seems more interesting than before. The concepts / ideas behind them if you have the chance to know, they really are interesting. For example, there's a work titled 'Nudity', the striking thing is this piece of work is not as traditionally painted as a naked woman's figure, it was replaced by words and words of descriptions about how the artist observe the body then write them down on a large scale of paper(?) 

Having a bit of cold feet to start the first page of my new A3 sketchbook... even when you've got some visions about how to organize some pages, such as collages in 2D, but you know the fact is you should get on with it by starting from what we did the first week (that's the consequence, and not knowing what is 'sketches' earlier, too many notes/words only).

And I started pottering around (things) again, 'warned that time management is my biggest problem / sketchbook is urgent needed to be fixed ! Nope, going to beat the fear to start a new chapter, not in my mind, not by turning the page over, not by starting from the back... It's the courage that you have to take, in painting and everything. Thinking about experimental films, it really helped - Experiment. It is my sketchbook.

Randomly resembling and taking photos. some sorts of spiritual pattern to calm you down.

Here came the running man. performance artists: rock men from the seaside.

I'm feeling the workflow (reflection page) is going to be a new platform of me posting random thoughts now, which is a good thing. 'social media'. It would be much better if workflow can actually work on the phone (small screen), for it can upload / post thoughts immediately without sitting in front of the laptop and recalling what were those going on earlier ? ... as a inbox to record words / a place for thoughts to find peace, not leaving them back then forget them - little diamond in the mild field, as starting the (2D) project - "Keep Documenting (process)"! not just the result and general idea, not just images but also the fights (the words) going on your mind, you'd never know what you are going to miss. It also can be a relief for the capacity of your brain in a safe place (safe?) if you want to check them in the future.

If there is a way to upload the pictures / processes more easier... That is the ideal not the real idea - this is an excuse.  

________

Midnight

Googled (wikipedia) Wim Wenders, trying to know him more in photography (or i don't know, sometimes, the name or the subject or a question just emerged in your mind, driving you to search for answers, the curiosity drives you to get underneath , 

During the summer time, I read something about 'Lisbon Story' (see? this is the point of recording, I doubt that my memory can be that good to trace it back - when and where I read about Wim Wenders? ... Ahh Fernando Pessoa the poet!). I noticed the colour / warmth of the film and the story behind it. 

'Alongside filmmaking, Wim Wenders works with the medium of photography and his poignant images of desolate landscapes engage themes including memory, time, loss, nostalgia and movement. Wenders' long-running artistic project, "Pictures from the Surface of the Earth", began in the early 1980s and was subsequently pursued by the artist for the next twenty years. The initial photographic series in this body of work was titled "Written in the West" which Wenders produced when criss-crossing through the American West in preparation for his film 'Paris, Texas' (1984). This became the starting point for the artist's nomadic journey across the globe, travelling through countries including Germany, Australia, Cuba, Israel and Japan to take photographs which capture the essence of a moment, place or space.' 

'Altered Space' . or about 'Space'

Random thoughts of the day.

A visit to Tate Modern, was trying to find a bit of inner peace of myself ('inner' can be a space, can not be physically touched by anyone, ghosts maybe?) - the room with Rothko's paintings. Ended up thinking and typing (now) in the public space (sitting on the carpet, not feeling anxious about the crowds - people walking pass through you - the invisible changing / energy - felt the space around me has been still, not including that my hands are typing.)

note page 1

trying to record the thoughts I've been thinking in my mind, in case they just ran off (again and again) after the visit. 

going to see Rothko's paintings now in that room (space), imagined that the near-sighted me myself viewing the paintings from a bit far distance, can I see the different or just the space / canvas with colours on it? 

Can the paintings or the silent surroundings (space) make me cry (?) or experiencing the peace (mind and everything) , you lost time and space (except the fact that you are looking at the painting , into another space through your eyes, deeper and further...)

note page 2

note page 3

______

 After sitting in the darkened room with Rothko's paintings,  it did feel peaceful in some way, but not in the mind - couldn't stop thinking, such as, 'why is he not classified as an impressionsit or colorist? (then minutes after, you started doubting yourself - what's the concept of Impressionism or Expressionism? What's the differences between them?).  That's what others say 'leave it an impression' , but this 'impression' can be as strong as Expressionism's intention (or without purpose, they just paint their emotions out) to present to the audience. Rothko's paintings make you feel, think, imagine. When you look at the painting, turns it (the action) into gazing for a while, you can feel an invisible force is pulling you in, into the centre of the unknown.

Came to the studio in the afternoon, brought some new small scale canvas, on the way, I had been thinking '(probably) why not use different sizes of canvas as an altered space, and within the space, each of those painted canvases (two-dimentional) can be a part of the complete collage and explain the ideas behind the collage, which is quite abstract. As tutor commented that it’s too much, interestingly, there are some instinct techniques were being used (top: the way i painted around images? bottom: more paper stripes? images.) Maybe I can just select/focus on the particular part of it. Then transfer the part to canvas. 

top (part)

bottom (part)

Started painting without thinking too much (getting inspirations from power point or relevant artworks, I know it's not good, till I learned the lesson - after the day of work, started to doubt myself 'wait, is this suitable for the theme of the week project - altered space', 'what does it mean?'...) Should've THINK before actual doing. (but it may not mean think too carefully, then the Expressionist might lose the recklessness/the powerful brush strokes?)

I kept this hue of dark greenish colour as background, it was originally an experiment when I started the collage (background). I saw one image from the magazine while picking images

The word ‘mysterious’, if I may agree with my consciousness(?), as the same sense the image wants to convey - ‘hide & seek with a covered face’.

color study / composition (?)

It’s funny that when I was painting today or after the paintings, when I looked at them, I felt strange for the colours or the forms of paintings. They may not like the paintings I used to paint(?), especially the one painting that I tried to contain the colours as a way of 'explaining' the collage itself.

The Collage. 

As you can see (above), in the middle - hay (strings) that separate the up and bottom part - which also separate the two distinct methods i used, as a territory to make a notion, 'you are in a different zone now'.

Morning till lunch break, still working on the collage, realized that what I had been doing was quite absurd – it seems like my collage is different from others - not very ‘collage’ like (if there are some specific concepts about ‘collage’) – cut out pictures, stick images (which can be absolutely non-related with others) together, make up a new story… It reminds of those old school games – costume books with ‘nude’ models, the point of the game is to randomly choose clothes/hair/shoes, every mix and combination brings a sense of uniqueness or magic (it never goes too wrong) , as a stylist.

It is mixed with images and paints that I painted around the paper (trying to combine the empty space?) that were cut out (but can’t find some other images to put together? I may lack of imaginations or not taking the first preparation - ‘research’ seriously or start playing around again – not doing actual ‘collage’ as the day/task was planned – 3 pieces!).

The description… for instance, a female figure photographed in black & white, ‘she’ made a contribute to the head/brain part of the collage, also the legs. Tutor mentioned earlier ‘no fashion photos’ as they are already well positioned(?), I might have just taken it as a challenge. The irregular ‘square’ pieces are actually her face, I made it as an exploded head.

I intended to add some lines around to connect the head part, which I didn’t do, (reckon I had felt the idea of ‘too crowded’ or I think ‘I can’t spend more time on the collage – have to do some real paintings now’!), so ended up just lines… without any details about the clear head/face.

I got this idea while I was working in progress - to make it as a body dissection – the altered body part inside (space).

This week is 2D project - Altered Spaces.

I've been looking forward to the 2D project, which basically my mind is all about 'painting'; 'paint'; 'oil painting' (finally!)... But after today's project description (powerpoint brief) by the tutor, also, after giving the information (last Thursday) about what we need to bring for our new week's project, I've felt that it's going to be a mind-blowing, based on what I've known about painting. I like it how you develop your idea based on found images, then you 'manipulate' it in an imaginative way. 

Generally, the project is about using different materials to create a painting, between the ideas (imaginarily, politically or other ways), by finding the relations between two, 'how it relates to your work'.

Sometimes, I can get quiet stuck with the work (painting) I do,  having this empty head like nothing. Mostly paintings of mine are emotion-led, instant. Mostly they are   I always feel that something is missing, having this fear that what am I going to paint in the studio if I am not that 'emotional', 

Project really helps, not just sending out a theme, then paint. This project is more about the development form found images. 

 At the beginning, I had no idea what those collages (pieces) about, even though I had found lots of inspiring images from art magazines. 

So, I'm going to catch up, finish the big piece I've been doing the whole day then make three small collages tonight later, which I got the inspirations from those artists' collages (pieces). 

I just realized that this morning the project brief is all 2D paintings, but with the spaces that artists had created on the canvas. 

Julie Mehretu's painting is powerful, the vanishing point, all those lines 'flying' around, as if they are free flowing with no direction, but seems all those random lines somehow are directed by this invisible force and at last they form in harmony. 

The thing I remembered the most is “keep documenting the working progress” – taking photos, for you never will expect what’s coming next, some of the processes may as interesting as the completed painting… and have the courage to continue/’destroy’ it.

Had a day of critic. A whole new experience of viewing the project - 4D. Going through all the 28 students' short videos one by one, not being divided into small groups, having a chance to see and understand the works from others and getting feedback from the tutor as well. watching videos that were re-edited, well completed in the end of the week, within 3 days, it was a big achievement, especially for me, someone who is really bad with technologies. The fact is I learned new skills about how to use Adobe Premiere, putting  

My idea behind the video project is inspired by the books i've been reading, thinking about, which is love and desire behind it. the thoughts that hold back in male and female's mind, deep down. 

There are some parts I could've improved.

Spent a day (afternoon) with the computer/software, re-editting videos. To be honest, I quite enjoyed the process of making it. The task for the final day is - picking specific images from the original videos, which should match the theme to evoke the sensual feeling and the sound track. 

Comparing with the part of choosing, which part of the scenes in the original videos, I spent most of the time on re-editing the audio part, patching different pieces together, using the technique of over-layering. which I just discovered the effect when I was trying to play around a bit. I wanted to make the audio fit into the frames of moving images, for the sensual feel.

The common elements that appeared frequently are hands (touching body, face or hand), lips, eyes... they are all signs of showing female sexuality, how they perform as a peacock that as the costume in love (while they're in female term to attract others and men seek for).

I've been reading books on the way, about the natural history of love. There are lots of behaviours behind men (and women), why they crave for touch women's body (breasts particularly), it all comes from the closeness or bond they had from their mother when they were a baby.  'animal love'/ 'touchy touchy feeling'/ intimacy always involved 

This morning, I had no idea (or too many?) about what's it going to be the theme of my short video, before the tutorial. Sometimes, it's not a good thing to have so many resources to choose.

Sexual Desire is unbelievably going deep into my project (and my mind), a subject to explore. female and male's perspective, different individuals' role. feels or symbolic objects.

Laure Prouvost is one of the names that tutor recommended me to check out. For example, one of her works  

Dream Work by Tscherkassy is insane. The background sound effects perfectly fit into frames of moving images. Flashing black and white lights in a high speed. Shattered images with layers topped onto layers, just as a piece of memories ruminating/playing inside the narrators' mind, you can see (or remember a bit) but you can't see clearly about what they are. 

First of that, things turned not that stressful when the tutor asked "how many of you hate computers?", (ME!) I raised my hand in the class, I did, no shame. Tutor really understands! I don't like technology and don't think I can manage to deal with them. 

Introduced the new software from Adobe, which is cool, now is the time to be grateful for the early experience with fashion design courses I did - by using AI, PS... though I went quite mad about them while producing my design work, I thought it was a waste of time doing tedious work - technical drawings, and repeatedly doing the same size arrangement thing, not creative at all. One word to describe Adobe - overwhelming. The designers behind it are genius, I do appreciate that, it's just I can't do that/ enjoy that, which is quite frustrating, with fear.

Learning step by step of the re-editing from demonstration while taking notes and practicing myself. I really like the database tutor recommended, which is from  I like old films a lot, though they are short videos, but with 

Use the space and take a proper photo, but it seems it was not a nice shot (here is the proof, I think, not good enough, should've have taken more photos) ...  I did change my display from the classroom (corner straight to the door, people might just walk straight across the door then turn left, then 'surprise' - bad spot for the piece with flour and all sorts) to this show room, by considering the wind and the surrounding assessment I assume - how to use the space. And the space is much better without people walking around and the open window (unexpected situation) during the day before group critic.

The whole idea before the installation is to question what has changed (people's suffering from mental illnesses, not happy? how they perceive 'happiness', in which way of games, how the gaming can improve people's mental health? This is a GAME (not video game in this modern world, but back in time), of throwing out bottles and messages to nowhere.

Object 1.

There is this piece of drawing and a bit notes on the paper, which I kind of created this fictional character (of myself or someone) in the present (if you ask me abut the timeline), who was trying to communicate with the other side of the world by spreading the culture that he has learned, hoping that the bottle could arrive the destination - Africa - as his increasing interest to the culture. It also as a sigh of hope that people normally put - you have no idea where it's going to be, maybe someone would find it and image the surprise and happiness the stranger / receiver would feel - happy? (I hope)

Object 2.

The (blue-ish) letter. I extracted from the report / article online (it seems true, never know about the online searching engine). It was about a man who plays video games trying to tell the others that what the new research reported - just as the piece of news I collected - gaming can improve people's mental heath. 

Object 3.

The little 'War-Time Cookery' book. During the war, people lived poorly and food is one of their biggest priority of surviving / satisfaction / happiness. Helping out with each other, sharing is happiness. 

Object 4 & 5.

A message from Japan & the collection of stamps (with prints of u-kiyoe - Japanese style of paintings). It was to remind people of those heart-warming old school way of communicating! Sending happiness and wishes from both sides. 

Object 6.

A piece of mini African style statue / model. As a sign of the culture, with lively colors on it, red and orange (wish I could use more professional term to describe colours) mixed with patterns and passion. People from the tribe seem to be happier than those live in the cities, they celebrate, dance with joy. And the statue is their sign of welcoming happiness.

Object 7.

A bottle of Absinthe. In history, during that period of 18th centuries, lots of artists / writers /... they found inspirations and 'happiness' (as they would perceive). The twisted idea about happiness, but alcohol does make people escape from real life, stress, and get the temporary 'high' of the feeling. 

'Messages in Bottles'.

There are 7 sets of emotions, so I chose 7 objects/messages to present; 7 different countries/ periods/ cultures/ interests ... to define happiness. What has changed? If games can actually improve people's mental health, but how? How to teach empathy?

The whole scene is based on the white sand which was made by flour, trying to display in a way as you can see in the museum, but not losing the fun of discovering (coming closer and with interaction).

Hadn't made any actual 3D objects in the morning, while some of the others has already on the go. Some of other students seemed all started, or half way there. And I was not worried at all... I don't know where that confidence came from. Went down to the workshop to talk with the tutor first, one of my ideas (the blueprint of the piece) that being discussed with the tutor was to make a female figure which is quite masculine, inspired by Martisse's sculpture.

My first idea that appeared was about        then, after 

Got some help from the tutor, I realized that it has always been one of my problems - I like to complicate things. While the tutor just browsed around the keywords that i underlined, not even the whole page - 'messages in bottles', traced back the meaning behind it, he wondered 'when is the earliest bottle and message that was found? what do i think about messages in bottles?'... (wow, why didn't I alert the words earlier? maybe because the meaning of messages and in bottles is too obvious and easy? well, you have to be careful not missing anything.) .. so the advice from the tutor was as simple as 'start to collect bottles'. 

This week is 3D project. Material News.

We were asked to bring newspaper to the class, selected 2 or 3 articles that are interesting to yourself, no matter how short it is, even just a photo, a title.  It seems like finding something to put in your inspiration board, which is all of those ideas developed, the books you read, the films or short videos that you watched, anything can be part of it, mostly it goes towards your personal interest or subject or field, for example, mine is 'emotions', when I browse the pages, this becomes the key word as my target. If you pay attention, if you take notes (collect) those information.  And there are so many insights to put into the project you are going to present, which is so exciting to keep digging and working.

I like how the project or task is being assigned, broad and free, but still under the big umbrella.

I found that it's such a phenomenon to explore what's inside your brain, some part of the functional systems can trigger the moment of enlightenment / 'Eureka moment'.

One of the main articles I picked is 'Now play with your emotions', its subtitle is 'Get in touch with your feelings - new games are designed to teach empathy and improve mental health'. The title just got my attention at the first sight, though I'm not a gaming person, not even taking any interest in technologies or video games.

 The other two articles are generally about 'feminism'.

London Design Festival.

There are so much to see during the final weekend. 

V&A. Reflection Room. and the other regular art pieces. 

As a visually-stunning, large scale of installation, the photos that were taken / posted on the Internet / social media, 'breathtaking' could be the definite word to describe the work. While when you physically went inside the room, the space is quite big actually, the whole experience as an audience, if you ask me how I related to this piece of work? ; how do you feel about it?... It's supposed to be like 'that' as viewing the pictures on social media with only one person in it, the reality is quite crowed, disappointing. 

I reckon that's one of the reasons why Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama's installation work - Infinite Reflections, immerse yourself in that surrounding, quiet environment to feel the fantasy or the lights surrounding you, not the heat from other people's carbon dioxide or shoulders, heads, hair, flash light, people taking selfies, short videos, you can;t actually see the whole reflection on the wall, or the whole piece of light, think / feel what's the idea behind it without having the chance of getting suffocated. 

No doubt about the fact, this piece is grand, within the space (probably too hot inside), with some mirrors to reflect audiences' faces surrounded with the classic red and blue lights. But how can we really reflect on our body or face images for people who are too reserved / not confidence in themselves to look at the mirror in public with so many people (shoulders to shoulders)?! How can we really reflect (or get meditated) on our thoughts (or inner peace) for a while in a such noisy environment / space, not mentioning people who might suffer from claustrophobia?!

Social media really changes the way how we idealize the art work (or installation) - it looks so good, 'have-to-see'... how we expect to experience with the piece - taking photos? but it turns out to be a waste of time, spending lots of time queuing, comparing with the small amount of time to interact with the space.

bookstore research. 

'Sexuality' is becoming an intriguing topic for me - never been on this level. I guess this is the point of recording / uploading information on workflow or doing one certain project once a week. You always learn, even when the task / one-week project finished, temporarily. They are all becoming a powerful database, system, in order, collected, the inspirations to serve for the future work. 

It's essential to have intensive reading, but brain or memory has a limited amount of capacity to remember all the information, so workflow, in a way, force me to organize all of those random pictures / words into one box with clear catagory to guide you to find them,systemize.  On the contrary, not in your physical notebook 'forever', notes is the draft / raw material, you might will have no idea about what you just wrote down in 20 years; you might lose the physical objects quite often; a good idea to recall what have happened the whole day, probably no concern with the words, whether you've got fancy or advanced words, as long as you explain clearly with short sentences or not; to be a professional writer is not your mission, thoughts are the priority - the ones that count. 

The other thing about the bookstore is that it closes till 11pm, except Sunday. Loads of books about Art, comparing with the range of books in Kings Cross campus, Freud / Perception / Identity / ... is the biggest interest to me, excluding that, no literature, not with many art-related works, such as 'cave art' / ... sections in the field of fashion illustrations are the majority. 

Getting more senses about Fine Art (Art). 

New project of the week – COLLECTION. Got some inspirations from artists who did the ‘collection’ as a piece of work. by using different ways of approaching, in their perspective, that certain background of the story, or to evoke the audiences to feel some connections in their work, to start to notice the multiple roles of mundane objects in our life can be.

I  like collect little things, reckon the same as others, such as, sweets or food packages which are well designed, particularly imported food with different languages/words on the package; the cans or bottles (ceramics/glass products) and lots. Was thinking that there are a range of objects to present 'a collection', but this is different, not just showing what collections you’ve possessed, to some degree, is the deeper meaning behind those objects.  What makes the collection not that shallow? the conceptual side of it? by photography to record processes? 

When the medium changed, it forced me to think again (develop other possible ways) about the original idea I was tending to make as a presentation.Put the beer can as a representation of life circle. The moment when you open a tin can, the sound of it reminds of a new life or baby was born. Just as the life that people romanticize alcohol as their life, getting 'high' (fantasy), dependency like a friend. Was restricted to a practical level - it would be tricky for me to try filming in a short amount of time or create a surrounding experience, sound effects combining together with photos to present the aide of beer can. Sharing ideas of each other - giving constructive ideas about how to make it more sense to present. I think I was afraid of using media as a way of presenting my work, which I've always had this thought that "no, i'm really bad with technologies" without trying, it is all about taking the risk, fail, trying out, experimenting... 

Took some random photos during lunch break, loads of food installations in the supermarkets, quite fascinating to see the giant food factory of labels/colours/...? just like a food prison, but as a consumer, those items/packages can play a bit role to inspire you coming up with random ideas. For example, if you have ever noticed the numbers or dates or words on the packages of crisps, the Best Before date is always ended in a Saturday, which can lead to a project that be thought-provoking (or not) to pay more attention to the little details of our mundane objects, for the way how they are designed, why do they exist? (for serving people like us? then they exist for a notion.) what about the dead language or the name of those chemical ingredients that you've never known before? ...

 Went to see the exhibition of Matisse: in the Studio in RA.

Apart from the colours and all those studies or experiments of composition and hues, I found something inspiring, related to ‘sensual’ , ‘sexual desire’ (key words for the project), 'The Nude'.

notes (page 1)

Also, interesting to see how Matisse distorted female’s figure into a masculine version of sculpture.

Female torso had a large role in history, of art, in society, where can be found in countless pieces of works, such as sculptures or paintings to appreciate the beauty of body. Of how Matisse interpreted the classical form - “a deeply sensual sign for the body, but on an intimate scale”.

Introduced 'Grop Critic', which is quite new for me to show your work to a large amount of audiences (for now, is your classmates with comments and genuine thoughts about your work). 

Final (group) Piece.

Library Induction. Had the group research at the learning zone, after selecting some books out of the shelf by category, the keywords. 

the active of their reaction, how they speak out of the ideas with confidence... from the partner; through conversations/ discussions that turns out to be an eye-opener to me, which I reckon that I'm lack of those qualities on me. 

Aspects that I did well: I joined the discussion, giving constructive ideas as mentioning 'erotic images' - okay-e, explaining my side of knowledge about that ... 4'33'' is a great example of turning the idea of 'SOUND' into total silence, in my  point of view, and after showing the video to them, the positive feedback you received from your group partners really could help you to feel getting involved more.

Aspects that I didn't: the field of literature or certain knowledge that I have to keep up with them, and the vocabularies ? I just got confused a lot when they point out some references, I couldn't get involved in the conversations or understand. I felt the urge that I have to read more, need to improve ...

Did some random researches at the library, as an individual before the library induction, which gives one more time and freedom, to be honest. Started to analyze three words separately. 

1. 'Sensualism'. what's the meaning of 'sensualism'?  'sexuality' came up in my mind, with the sense of 'pleasure'.  Checked the word in searching engine after we chose the word among the same list of '...ism', which was not what we had thought of at the first stage. What we thought is all about 'senses'. Later after some researches was done, I think that 'senses' can be something that's related to 'sensualism', that sensual touch can actually arouse the feeling of pleasure. (if you want to widen the definition, layer by layer, dig deeper.)

2. 'Sound'.

3.'Touch'. 

I really enjoyed doing researches, looking at the notes I had done half the day, It was a bit amazed to notice that the whole general theme all went back or actually linked to your personal interest into all sorts of branches.

IDEAS FACTORY was the task for the day. We had a group discussion in three. 'SENSUALITY. SOUND. TOUCH' are the three words we picked based on the three sections listed: a practitioner, a material, a process.

Then we started to develop ideas, creating story scenes. It was inspiring to have partners to discuss with, once one of them brought out some words, which could be the trigger to help myself to develop a new idea to go further. It took me a bit of time to understand the game rules or to get involved in the role. They came up ideas quickly, starting to say it out. After the first of a few ideas, I felt the sense of 'in', became part of the idea proposers, sharing my point of view passionately, not in slow motion.

It all went out well at last, with respect, patience in each other that makes a great team.

Sadly, while presenting the idea with the whole class, I didn't speak up or say any words to interrupt or develop as a part. This is the one i'm going to improve: get more involved, speak up (though it can be a bit rude, but not in group discussion, right after one of the other finished the talk), get the chance to 'perform' in group or public.